Becoming a Mum is an exciting time. You are opened up to an entire new world of nappies, sleepless nights, pastel colours and a kind of love you never even realised existed. But becoming a Mum also opens you up to the world of other Mums and some of them aren’t normal human beings.
There are several types of Mum and the chances are you will come across at least one of these bizarre human beings at least once.
The ‘Elite’ Mums
These are usually found doing ladies lunch every day of the week. They are some sort of rubbish version of the Stepford wives. Their hair is immaculate and fully highlighted (with no roots), they always have a fresh mani – pedi and they tend to only socialise with their ‘click’. These are the Mums that you are not allowed to speak to unless they speak to you. Basically they were the less popular girls at high school that have developed a superiority complex, which is shown quite publicly at baby and toddler groups.
The ‘Competitive’ Mums
These are the Mums whose babies have to do everything before and better than your baby. They are the Mums who are adamant that their children can walk, talk and are fully potty trained by around 6 months. These are the babies that are mini superheroes. They sleep through the night as soon as they are brought home from the hospital, never cry and feed themselves. These are the Mums that make me think , ‘My baby is 3 months old, cannot sing the national anthem while dancing an entire tap routine and I’m okay with that’. These Mums are generally seen giving their children prep talks on a regular basis.
The ‘Super’ Mums
These Mums are as the name suggests; Mums that have super powers. These are the Mums that have mind reading powers or a telepathy power that means they understand all of their baby’s wants and needs before the baby does. These are the Mums that manage to have a pristine house, five dogs, two cats, a full time job, has just completed a marathon, climbed Mount Everest and still manage to attend all baby groups in your local area. These are mystical creatures and I am still trying to capture one so I can make them reveal all of their secrets about how they find the time to do everything.
The ‘Normal’ Mums
This is the group most of you reading this will fit into. These are the Mums that rarely find the time to wash their hair, let alone take a trip to the salon every week. These are the Mums that on the odd occasion literally have no idea why their baby is crying. These are the Mums who now only see a nice relaxing bath as something that happened in a dream a long time ago. These are the Mums who haven’t slept properly since their baby was born. These are the Mums who will not give you the pretty, rainbows and fairies version of parenthood, but will instead tell you that it is the hardest job in the world that doesn’t give you holiday, sick leave or a clock off time. These are the Mums you will find all around you and these are the Mums that will make you realise that just because you don’t have super powers, have a fresh head of highlights every week or have a baby that can look after itself by six months, doesn’t mean you are doing anything wrong. These are the Mums that make you realise that in actual fact you are doing it all right and your baby is lucky to have such an amazing Mum like you.
Parenthood is a road of learning, no two babies are the same. It is the most difficult and the most rewarding job in the world. There will be days when you feel like you don’t have a clue what you are doing, but you will make it through and the next day everything will go just right. The only thing that matters is that your baby is happy and healthy.
My only advice to you is this, enjoy it.