15 things that let you know you’re a parent to a small person

Emma and Oliver


1. Your alarm clock no longer has a snooze button, because your alarm clock is now your baby… 5:30 starts anyone?


2. By 10:15 you have snot, food, juice, milk or dribble (or if you are really unlucky all of the above) smeared on your clothes.


3. You now get a strong sense of achievement from managing to pick crusty bogies from your baby’s or toddler’s nose.


4. When you sneeze, a bit of wee comes out.


5. You then question why you didn’t do your pelvic floor exercises in pregnancy.


6. You spend most of the morning making a list of all the things you are going to do during your baby’s or toddler’s nap time. Only to then sit down with a cup of tea and check your social media through the entirety of nap time.


7. The laundry bin has turned into a bottomless pit.


8. Remote controls now go missing. This is generally because your child has hidden them behind the TV, under the sofa or in their toybox.


9. You smile at your baby – proofed kitchen, happy knowing little hands can’t get into the cupboards. Only to learn (much to your dismay) that you then struggle to open the latches too.


10. Your name has been changed without your consent to, ‘(insert your child’s name) Mum’.


11. You comment on how much your friend’s babies and children have grown… EVERYTIME you see them.


12. Little handprints appear all over your house – normally in some gross, sticky substance that looks suspiciously like the chocolate you haven’t allowed your child to have.


That looks suspiciously like chocolate...
That looks suspiciously like chocolate…


13. If you are running late, you always blame your child. Damn that pretend exploding nappy.


14. You can’t remember the last time you went to the toilet… ALONE.


15. You now have a new understanding of true and unconditional love.


 True, unconditional love.
True, unconditional love.


What would you add to the list? Let me know in the comments, on Twitter, Instagram or Facebook.

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